A Heart to Heal Page 7

  She and Devin eventually stopped talking. Roscoe tried to keep the conversation flowing, and she appreciated it, but by the time they finished the tension was thick. There was no way she and Devin could ever be friends. She didn’t know who she was fooling.

  “Why don’t you two sit on the porch while I clean up the kitchen,” Roscoe said once they finished.

  Shalya swallowed a groan. She wanted to go home and drown in a bottle of wine to forget all of her past mistakes.

  “I should head home.”

  Roscoe waved his hand. “Nonsense. Wait until I finish and then you can go.”

  Devin shook his head. “Dad, if she’s ready to leave.”

  “Just sit on the damn porch. Y’all cooked, I can clean. It’ll only take a minute. We ate bird food, so there’s not a lot to clean up.”

  Shayla couldn’t help but laugh. Resigned to following the man’s instructions, she and Devin left the kitchen. It was dark out, the chill in the air was the first sign of autumn and the sweet smell of the countryside wafted on the breeze. With a contented sigh, Shayla sat on the porch step. She looked at the stars right as one shot across the sky. She closed her eyes and wished things were different. That she and Devin could be together and no one would condemn her for being with him.

  She felt his warmth as he sat beside her and opened her eyes, but continued to look to the heavens, not trusting herself to look into his eyes.

  “My dad is determined to make things like they were before … ” his voice trailed off.

  She sighed. “Before I fucked it all up.” He didn’t answer and it broke her heart. “Look, I know you tried to extend the offer of friendship, and I appreciate that, but who are we kidding. I’m too fucked up and you’re too good.”

  He exhaled quickly before answering. “Shayla, I’ve wanted you since the day you braided my hair on Peaches’s porch. It’s never gone away.”

  Her head whipped around. He didn’t look at her; instead he too was looking to the heavens as if the answer to their problem was there. Longing pressed heavily on her chest. His braid job was the worse she’d done that summer she’d helped Peaches braid hair. She’d been so distracted having him sit between her legs, that all of his braids were crooked. It was the first time she’d felt desire. The first time she’d known what it was like to want a man.

  But she couldn’t have Devin. Not then and not now. Her reputation was in shambles and her cousin loved him. It wasn’t as if she needed to break up another person’s dream.

  She smirked. “Don’t waste your time wanting me. I’m no good.”

  He ran his hands over his face. “Shit, Shayla, quit saying that. You’ve downed yourself since we were kids. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough,” he said in a falsetto tone. “When you know damn well you’re smarter than anyone I know and fine as hell. What you lack is confidence.”

  She stiffened. “I am confident.”

  “Bullshit.” He finally looked at her with anger in his eyes. “If you were, you wouldn’t say something so stupid.”

  “It’s not stupid, it’s true. You even said it yourself. I’m no good.”

  “I said that mess after you slept with Tony. What did I say before that? What did I say every day before that? That you were worth more than you gave yourself credit for. Worth more than what your mother gave you credit for.” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re worth so much and you don’t realize it.”

  Tears burned her eyes. She looked away. She wished she could believe him. But she wasn’t worth a damn. If she were, she wouldn’t have gotten drunk at homecoming. She wouldn’t have mistaken one guy for another. She wouldn’t have spent the rest of her life living up to the image of a whore.

  She tried to pull away but he stopped her. She looked into his eyes. The darkness hid part of his face, but the intensity in his gaze burned bright. Her breathing stuttered. She wanted more than anything to kiss him. To forget all of the reasons why she should leave him alone and learn what it would be like to finally belong to him.

  When his head lowered she turned away. “I can’t, Devin.”

  He stiffened and pulled back. When his hand fell away it hurt more than if he’d slapped her. “Now it’s my turn to ask why, Shayla. Why every other man, but not me?”

  She gasped as pain sliced through her. She jumped up and fled from the porch to the side of the house. The crunch of his footsteps followed her and she ran trying to escape, but knew she didn’t have anywhere to go. Within seconds his hand grasped her upper arm and he stopped her. He pulled her into his embrace and she wished she were angry enough to push him away, but dammit, she wanted his arms around her.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  She shook her head. “Stop apologizing to me.”

  “I keep insulting you.”

  She jerked away. “As if I haven’t insulted you. Admit it, Devin. I’m the slut that ran from your arms to Tony’s in the same night. I flaunted my relationship with him to the entire town and embarrassed you in the process. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s always been me. Sorry, no good, easy Shayla.” Her voice started to waver so she stopped.

  His face grew rigid as she spoke. She knew her bluntness was painful, but they both needed to hear it. They both needed to realize that pursuing anything between them was a mistake. Devin was a model citizen, the pride of the community. She was a joke, the easy girl from the wrong side of town.

  “I’m ready to go home.”

  He regarded her for a few moments before nodding stiffly. “I’ll tell Dad we’re leaving.”

  Chapter 8

  Shayla parked her car behind Peaches and Roxanne’s in the gravel parking lot of Club Voracious. She gripped the steering wheel as she stared at the white flat front building. A large red neon sign blinked the word Voracious and cast its glow across the people standing in line and the cars in the parking lot. She’d insisted on driving herself just in case she felt the need to escape. You’re not in high school. You don’t have to do what Tony says. She repeated her mantra again. She hadn’t seen Tony in fifteen years and could have gone her entire life never setting eyes on his face. So why was she here?

  Peaches and Roxanne hopped out of Roxanne’s burgundy Oldsmobile and waved for her to hurry. With a deep breath, she opened the door and got out. Their idle chatter about the outfits of the other women in line was background noise to her. Instead, she concentrated on trying to calm her racing heart. This was crazy, she wasn’t a teenager anymore. There was no reason to let one person have such a chokehold on her emotions. Still, her steps shortened as they approached the entrance.

  Roxanne turned and put a hand on her hip. “Girl, hurry up. It’s your party.”

  Peaches turned and waited with a raised eyebrow. Amusement and a cold resentment filled her eyes. Peaches looked as if she knew Shayla was afraid to enter and enjoyed every moment. Shayla swallowed, clutching her small purse to keep from tapping her hand on her leg. She wasn’t doing this. To hell with being considered stuck up for bailing on her own welcome home party. She didn’t want to, couldn’t, face Tony.

  Peaches’s eyes narrowed and shifted over Shayla’s shoulder at the same time a warm hand clasped the back of her neck. Instantly she relaxed and breathed. She turned and looked into Devin’s eyes. His fingers gently massaged the back of her neck, sending comforting warmth throughout her body. She hadn’t seen him since returning his confession with brutal honesty the week before. She hadn’t dared hope he would still come tonight. Why would he want to witness the reunion of Helena High’s notorious couple of the late 90s?

  “You came.” Her voice was breathless and full of gratitude.

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “I said I was coming.” He looked at Peaches and Roxanne. “Let’s get the party started.”

  Peaches’s lips twist
ed in a scowl, but Roxanne smiled and waved them to come on. He dropped his hand and followed. Shayla brought up the rear and focused on how good Devin’s ass looked in his jeans instead of the upcoming reunion with Tony. The guy at the door hugged Roxanne and Peaches. His eyebrows shot up when he saw Devin.

  “What, Dr. Jones coming out to hang?” the guy said.

  Devin grinned and gave him a one armed hug. “What’s up, Larry. Yeah, I’m coming out to celebrate Shayla’s homecoming.” He turned and held out a hand to Shayla.

  Despite knowing it was wrong, she grabbed his hand and held on for dear life. When she met the eyes of the guy at the door recognition hit her. Larry used to play football in high school. He hadn’t been part of their clique, but he was a frequent attendee at Tony’s parties. Larry smiled and reached over to hug her.

  “I heard you were back in town. Long time no see.” He pulled back and grinned.

  “Same here, Larry,” she said. “You work here?”

  He shook his head. “Part time. I work for the sheriff’s department, and on my days off I handle security for Tony.” He eyed her hand still clasped in Devin’s and smirked. “Hopefully nothing will pop off tonight.” He stepped out of the way. “Have fun.”

  Devin squeezed her hand and they crossed the threshold into the dimly lit club. Hip hop music blasted and she read Peaches’s lips to follow instead of hearing the words. She would have expected the inside of a club owned by Tony to look like a hole in the wall. But the interior was impressive. Flashing lights bounced off cream walls adorned with large mirrors in gilded frames reflecting the dancers on the floor. The bar was stocked, the chrome railings and wood top shining. The tables not part of the VIP were full, as were all of the seats at the bar. Devin didn’t let go as they followed Peaches and Roxanne through the crowd to one of the partitioned off areas. There black velvet furniture and a few tables, all polished to a shine, waited with bottles of chilling champagne.

  Because VIP was partitioned off from the rest of the club it was not as loud, but Roxanne still had to shout for them to hear her say this was their spot. Someone grabbed her from the side and pulled her away from Devin. She fought panic as she hastily turned to face them. Her panic quickly fled when she met Jermaine’s friendly brown eyes.

  “Jermaine!” She grinned and hugged him before standing back. There were laugh lines on his tan skin, his once thick hair was balding at the top and there was more padding around his middle than there’d been in high school. But he still had a ready smile and laughing eyes.

  “Welcome home, Shayla! I would have come to see you sooner, but I’ve been busy at the shop. It’s good to see you,” he said.

  “Same here, Jermaine. Shop, did you actually start your own mechanic shop?

  Surprise lighted Jermaine’s eyes. “You remember that?”

  Shayla laughed. “How could I forget? Whenever anyone had a problem with their car you were the man to call. I’m glad to hear you finally made your dream happen.” She looked between him and Roxanne. “I hear y’all got kids now.”

  Roxanne hugged up to his side and he grinned. “Yeah, Roxanne can’t get enough of big daddy.”

  Roxanne rolled her eyes, but squeezed him tighter. “Whatever. You know it’s the other way around.”

  Jermaine laughed and reached out to give Devin pound. “What’s up, Devin? I didn’t believe it when Roxanne said you were clubbing with us tonight.”

  Devin shrugged. “Hey, they said let’s get the band back together.”

  Jermaine nodded but looked at Shayla with a sly smile. “No doubt.”

  Peaches popped a cork on one of the bottles of champagne. “Let’s have a drink until Tony can join us.”

  Instead of appearing anxious about Tony’s arrival, Shayla accepted the glass of champagne from Peaches and sat on the couch beside Devin. The next hour was spent drinking champagne and reminiscing about old times. She made sure to steer the conversation to fun times before Homecoming by bringing up some of Jermaine, Roxanne and Peaches’s most shining moments in high school. Thankfully, no one brought up that ill fated night.

  Two glasses later and much of her anxiety had faded. She could do this. Picking up the routine was like riding a bike. In fact, now that everyone was older and more mellowed out, she didn’t have to try so hard.

  Jermaine leaned forward in his seat and grinned. “Remember that party we had at my house the summer before senior year?”

  They all let out a collective sigh and groan. Shayla placed a hand over her face. “I barely remember it.”

  Peaches laughed. “Me too. How many shots did we take that night?”

  Devin took a sip from his drink before saying. “Too many.” But there wasn’t any disappointment in his voice.

  Shayla grinned. “How many did you take? That was the first time you got drunk.”

  He nodded. “The first and last.”

  Roxanne clapped her hands. “And a good thing too. Oh, Devin, I’ll never forget the way you were on that couch. Moaning and saying you were going to die.”

  Devin shook his head while they all laughed. “I felt terrible. What was that stuff?”

  Jermaine snapped his fingers as if trying to remember. “Some stuff my cousin brewed up. That crap will rot out your gut.”

  “I believe it,” Devin said. He bumped Shayla with his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have gotten through the night without you.”

  She couldn’t help the blush that came across her face. Since his parents were out of town and they’d all been too drunk to drive home, they spent the night at Jermaine’s. It was the first time she’d slept with a guy, even though there wasn’t much sleeping on her part. Devin fell asleep with his head in her lap and she spent most of the night rubbing his head and wishing he were sober enough to make a move. Though nothing happened, holding Devin and the gratitude on his face the next morning made up for it.

  Peaches grunted. “Devin didn’t drink after that night.” She smirked at Shayla. “We can’t all say that.”

  Devin shifted away from her on the couch. Shayla’s smile froze. It was the first reference to the disaster that was Homecoming. She narrowed her eyes at Peaches, whose smile turned sly before she looked away. Although Peaches always claimed to not look down on Shayla for what happened that night, she’d taken a perverse pleasure in bringing it up afterwards. Especially whenever Shayla tried to bridge the gap between her and Devin.

  Jermaine quickly changed the subject to something else. She gave him a grateful smile and joined in. Realizing no one was going to go there, Peaches let it go but kept her eyes on the door marked ‘office’ across the dance floor. Eventually Devin relaxed again and stretched his arm out along the back of the couch. Every so often his thumb would brush the skin on her back exposed by her gold halter top, sending a shiver down her spine. He seemed oblivious to his affect on her, while she kept taking deep breaths just to breathe in his cologne. The urge to curl up into his side, the same way Roxanne was curled up next to Jermaine, overwhelmed her. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the way his copper skin glowed beneath the lights, but she went with it.

  She flipped her hair over her shoulder and pretended to pull on the waistband of her leggings as a way to scoot closer to him. His fingers toyed with the ends of her hair where it brushed against his hand. He gave her his half smile, his eyes telling her he knew she was trying to get closer. She couldn’t help but return with a smile of her own.

  “Hey, Devin, I thought that was you.”

  Devin turned away. “Hey, Kia.”

  The moment shattered. Shayla slid away from Devin. She wasn’t supposed to be flirting with him. Not only had she forcefully reminded him why she was wrong for him, but her cousin loved him. She pushed her champagne flute away before she drank more and really started acting foolish.

  When she met her cousin’s eyes the warning s
he’d given previously was there. “What’s up, Shayla?”

  Shayla smiled. “Nothing much. My friends just decided to celebrate my homecoming.”

  Kia licked her lips and smiled at Devin. “Well, I hope you don’t mind me borrowing Devin for a minute. I was hoping he’d dance with me.” She looked back at Shayla. “Besides, y’all have just been sitting here talking.”

  Fighting back jealousy and the urge to answer her cousin’s challenge Shayla, gave Devin a slight nudge. “Go on. It’ll be fun.”

  Devin nodded and stood. “Sure.”

  Kia’s eyes lit up and she reached out to take Devin’s hand. Forgetting her promise not to drink, Shayla gulped down the rest of her champagne as she watched her young, sexy cousin sashay across the room to the dance floor with her man. He’s not your man.

  “C’mon, Jermaine. Let’s dance.” Roxanne said. Jermaine groaned but got up and followed her onto the floor.

  Peaches’s smile returned as she refilled Shayla’s glass. “Devin looks good with your cousin. I know a lot of people who want to see them together.”

  Shayla cut her eyes at Peaches. “Are you one of them? I remember you used to crush on Devin pretty hard back in the day.”

  Peaches’s smile became brittle. “I didn’t crush on Devin.”

  Shayla swirled the champagne in her glass. “Whatever you say.”

  “I’m over that. Just like it seems he’s over his fascination with you.” She looked out on the dance floor. “Looks like Kia’s auditioning to fill the empty spot in his bedroom.”

  Shayla took a sip of the bubbly liquid. She looked out on the dance floor and swallowed hard. Kia was bumping, grinding, and damn near sexing Devin on the dance floor. Didn’t the girl remember he was her boss? When did Kia’s breasts get so big? They almost popped out of the top of her black and silver dress. And she knew her aunt wouldn’t approve of the length; it barely reached mid thigh. When Kia bent over and rubbed her butt against Devin’s crotch, Shayla gripped her glass. Did he have to put his hands on her hips? Granted it was to put space between them, but still. All Kia had to do was hike her skirt up and Devin could easily slide right home.